I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
