Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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