Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
