you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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