She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
