My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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