i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
