Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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