the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I wear drunk well.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
