i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
