My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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