Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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