Moan for me like Helen Keller
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
