I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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