is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
