I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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