Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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