Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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