I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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