The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
