Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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