Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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