I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
