How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
