Are we in a gay sports bar?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
