My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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