he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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