when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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