My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
