She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
