i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
