Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize