Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
