This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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