He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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