you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
