If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
