now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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