Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
NoShamevember. You game?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize