It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
