Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
