I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
