As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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