I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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