your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
