S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
