I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize