I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
