and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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