Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
