I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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