that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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