if you like me you must not know who I am
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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