Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
