Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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