we're chasing vodka with high fives
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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