dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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