I think my fart just growled at me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
FUCK WHALES
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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