from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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