I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
