I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think weed is turning my hair brown
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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