Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
