I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
