i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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