shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
