Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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