Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
