And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
