I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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