After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
